The Lies We Learn Young

theexploitedpodcas
Jun 13
4 min read

Shame doesn’t start with a scream.It starts with a whisper—often before we’re old enough to name it.

I can now pin point some of the things that happened to me as a child or teen that have shaped some of my decisions. First it was performance based relgion. Shaping my belief of my inadequacy. Then it came to my first "boyfriend". Losing some close friends. And from there I chased being wanted, being good enough. Falling for older men, who had my card before I knew what had even shaped me. These unhealed childhood moments, shaped a person vulnerable to being exploited by predators that could use them against me.

I learned:

Love is earned.
Value is conditional.
Attention is power.
Vulnerability is weakness.

And those lessons were taught in sermons from the pulpit, church leaders, relationships, parents, and classmates. Things we all experience as children. My childhood looked normal, yet satan still found a way to sink his teeth into any open wound that changed the trajectory of the next 30 years of my life.

The Enemy Starts Early

Satan doesn’t wait until you’re 30-50 and spiritually mature to launch his attack.He starts in childhood .He slips in through wounds that look small but fester with time.

He uses early rejection to whisper:“You’re not wanted.”

He uses body shame to say:“You’ll only be loved if you’re beautiful.”

He uses performance culture to shout:“Be perfect or be invisible.”

And in the most extreme circumstances kids have all odds stacked against them with abuse, neglect, homelessness, incarcerated parents and more.

The trauma, even seemingly small to very obvious and large is a gateway for the enemy.

He sows seeds of doubt, insecurity, and shame in childhood—because he knows something we often forget:

A lie believed young becomes a lens you wear for life.

He studies you—your vulnerabilities, your environment, your unmet needs.

He doesn’t always traumatize you through something massive—sometimes, he uses things so subtle, so common, they go unnoticed:

A teacher’s disappointed tone.
A parent too busy to listen.
A sibling comparison that feels like failure.
A careless nickname that becomes your inner script.

"Unmet Needs"

This is a giant target you wear on your back for not only Satan to exploit, but for predators. Relationships that will destroy, business partners that will take advantage.

The Childhood Entry Points:

Neglect teaches you to fend for yourself… and never trust others.
Criticism teaches you that love is conditional.
Abuse teaches you that pain is love.
Rejection teaches you that you’re unworthy of being chosen.

Here’s the truth science tells us:

By age 7, a child has already formed a framework for how the world works—and how they fit into it.

Satan uses this.

He speaks into the developmental gaps before identity is secured in Christ.

That’s why so many of us, even as adults, still wrestle with:

Impostor syndrome
People-pleasing
Fear of failure
Shame in success
Insecurity in relationships

These aren’t random habits.They’re fruit of early lies.Lies planted when our brains were still forming and our spirits were still fragile.

But Jesus Starts Sooner

The good news?

God doesn’t wait for you to be ready either. He starts calling you before you even start drifting.

He whispers truth louder than the enemy’s lie:“You are already loved.”“You don’t have to earn this.”“There’s nothing you could do to make Me love you more—and nothing you’ve done that could make Me love you less.”

Scripture says in Romans 12:2, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

That means you can unlearn what the enemy taught you—and relearn what God always knew about you.

The first step to unlearning is recognizing what you were taught by darkness:

“You’re only loved when you’re useful.”
“You’ll always be broken.”
“You don’t deserve anything good.”

Lies often sound like shame.They echo in your most vulnerable moments.

Ask: Where did I learn that? And does it sound like Jesus?

Lies become loops. They trigger automatic thoughts and reactions.To unlearn them, you have to interrupt the mental script:

Replace “I mess everything up” with “I made a mistake, but God is still working in me.”
Replace “They left, so I must not be worth loving” with “Their decision isn’t my identity. God’s love is constant.”

You can’t just silence lies—you have to speak a louder truth.

Healing is more than mindset work—it’s soul surgery.

Take the wound, the lie, the memory to the feet of Jesus.Let Him speak over it.

You can pray:

“Jesus, show me the first time I believed this.Was it in childhood? Was it in trauma? Speak your truth into that memory. Rewrite what the enemy wrote on my heart.”

His truth rewires what trauma miswired.

Do It in Community

Healing happens in safe, Godly connection.

The enemy wants you isolated.God brings people who echo truth, call out your worth, and hold you when you forget it.

Find a therapist, mentor, or support group who speaks Scripture over your scars—not shame.

Want to dive deeper?

Download the FREE workbook to help you identify how some traumas may have shaped your thinking, and begin to move forward

In The Exploited, I unpack how early identity wounds create trauma and how to heal from them, and reach back out a hand to help. Find it, and Refiner's Reach on amazon right now.