Ditch The Shame

This week, I spoke with a survivor.

She wept not just from what had happened—but from the shame that followed.The kind of shame that sticks to the soul like tar.The kind that distorts truth and hijacks identity.

She said things like:“I’m so dumb.”“No one really cares about me.”“They only want me when I’m okay.”

But what I really heard was the voice of the enemy:“You’re unlovable.”“You’re too much.”“You’ll never be free.”

And isn’t that how shame works?It doesn’t always shout—it whispers.

The Enemy's Language Is Shame

Yes, there is accountability. Yes, we have to own our part in what we allow or repeat.But beneath the unhealthy patterns and poor decisions, there’s often a deeper layer.

Shame.

Shame that says we deserve the pain.Shame that tells us we are the problem.Shame that convinces us we’re too broken to be worth fighting for.

But shame is not the voice of our Savior.Jesus doesn’t guilt us into change.He calls us out of hiding with compassion—not condemnation.

The Comparison Trap

We live in a world that constantly tells us we aren’t enough.Not thin enough.Not healed enough.Not pure enough.Not spiritual enough.

We compare ourselves to Instagram versions of people who are just as broken, just as messy—but only post the highlight reel. And when we don’t measure up, the cycle begins:

Insecurity → Isolation → Acting out → Shame → Repeat

It’s not just exhausting. It’s soul-crushing.

Shame Cannot Heal You. Truth Can.

Shame says: You’ll never change.Truth says: You are being made new.

Shame says: You are what you’ve done.Truth says: You are who God is redeeming.

Shame says: Hide.Truth says: Come out into the light.

If you’re reading this and your chest is heavy, if you’ve said things like “I’m just too much” or “Why can’t I stop doing this?”—Can I gently suggest something?

It’s not because you’re weak.It’s because somewhere along the way, shame taught you a false story about who you are.And now—it’s time to unlearn it.

When Shame Is Your Foundation, Everything Cracks

My upbringing led me to believe that I was only as good as I could perform.Without perfection, I felt worthless.Without constant striving, I felt invisible.

I didn’t understand, as a child, that Jesus doesn’t measure us by what we do—He loves us for who we are.It only took a few failures to cement that lie deeper into my spirit.And before I knew it, I was drowning in shame I thought was truth.

That belief held me hostage for decades.

It was strung so tight around my identity that it took me into my 30s to even recognize it for what it was.Shame didn’t just haunt me—it built me.But once I saw it—really saw it—I let Jesus tear it down.Brick by painful brick.

And when I allowed Him to reshape my identity, everything changed.

My world changed.My decisions changed.My capacity to handle failure became a strength instead of a death sentence.

And the most beautiful part?

God didn’t just heal those hidden places.

He handed me a microphone—so I could speak life over the survivors still stuck in the same cycle I once was.He gave me a platform—not for perfection, but for truth.

And that truth sets captives free.

Read More?

In Refiner’s Reach, I share how God pulled me from shame's fire.In The Exploited, I walk with you through what healing looks like after.

Join the Conversation

This blog is for real talk. Real healing. Real stories.Let’s ditch the shame—and start telling the truth.